It Takes a Lot to Not Fight Back...

My Struggle with Being too Nice

 Amelia Gonzales, staff writer

Many years ago, my mother had to sit and watch me cry because some girl had been picking on me on the bus.

She would tell me that I shouldn’t put up with it, and that if anyone was ever going to hurt me I should hurt him or her back. A couple more times of me coming home in tears finally led to a big red hand print across the girl’s face. That handprint of course was mine. What is weird about the whole incident was that I never felt good about it. I always carried that regret with me every time I would see her throughout high school.

That was the only time that I had ever hit anybody. I have never been in any type of physical fight and have only been in a couple of verbal confrontations. Even then, no matter how much the other person would say things to hurt me, I found no pleasure in hurting them in return.

For years and even till this day, I have people tell me that I’m too nice, or that I need to stand up for myself. I don’t think that I’m in any way letting anybody disturb me by doing this to me, and by not saying anything. It’s just the type of person I am. I like to do all the same things that young outgoing people like to do, I just tolerate the bad things that people do or say to me. If the situation that I am in can be handled without some sort of a confrontation, I will do my best to make sure of that.

I have found that almost every single time that situations play out on their own. Time is the best medicine. It gives people time to sit and think things through. It can help determine what caused the situation, what made you or the other person angry, what can do about it. Surely, people have sense enough to know that confrontations only worsen the problem. You don’t just have the original problem, you also have added some form of hurt.

After the first confrontation has occurred, you and that person are contemplating and visualizing the next attack. Then some sort of a repetitive cycle begins to occur, and the next thing you know things are so out of hand that you have now gained an enemy for life.

It’s not that I’m too nice, or that I’m even a push over. It’s just the fact that I don’t want to go though my entire life the way I did through my earlier school years, feeling and knowing that someone out there despises me. For the many people who say that they do not care if people despise them, I truly believe that is a lie. What person in their right mind is going to want people to hate them?

Just to prove my point, the girl who I slapped in the face back in 1986 ran into me not too long ago.  I hadn’t seen her since graduation day, but when we met again, she frowned, grabbed her kids and gave me the I-hate-you look.

Then there was the girl in high school, who hated me for some unknown reason and threatened to jump me every Friday after class. I never said anything to her.  All my friends would tell me I was scared and I should something about it. Now I realize that if those people were my friends, they would have respected my choice not to say or do anything. Still, I never did. I just waited for that one unlucky Friday to hit, and it never did.

I also ran into that person recently, and surprisingly we had a conversation for nearly 30 minutes. Before, the only thing out of her mouth had been a five-letter word. It felt good to know that she, after so many years, realized I was not a threat and that I was an ok person. I felt good that I never gave her the satisfaction of getting to me or throwing down for the entertainment purposes of others.

I have had so many people search high and low for reasons to hate me, but in the end, the only thing that they are able to find is that I am a better person than who they wish I were.

Jealousy can be a very strong motive in carrying hate for a person. It sounds like a conceded thing to say to some, but it’s true. I grew up with both my parents, and my younger brother. We lived in a nice place, had nice clothes, nice cars. Now that I’m older, I still have an awesome family, a fantastic boyfriend, a nice car, a full-time job, and I’m attending college.

 I am independent and successful. I have built myself up so much that even with little time for a social life, I still get people from time to time who see me as the infamous five-letter word. So what other reason other than jealousy would anyone have?

Still, I do get annoyed with people who decide right away that I am the enemy. It’s stupid, ridiculous, and insane. I’m one of the nicest people. I do whatever I can to help when someone needs it. Others may see that as a weakness, but I disagree.

I see this as one of my stronger points.

I almost feel sorry for those people who take pride in the fact that they have had so many fights or that they are some sort of punk. It takes a lot more strength to be the one who does not say anything or the one who tries to forgive those who hurt them or someone else. I also feel sorry for all those who believe I need to or have to confront all those who have criticized me.

I once saw my father pull a chunk of grass out of our yard and said he had to because it had what he called bad grass. For a few years, I would see him doing all kinds of things to get the good grass to grow the way it was supposed to. It was so funny, because every time that I would go visit the grass was still missing from that particular area. Finally, after he left it alone, it began to reappear, even more beautiful than before. 

As I said, time is the best thing for uncertain situations. Things eventually work out, and everything happens for a reason these are lessons to be learned.