Date Doctor brings reality to relationships

by Hylann Camacho, online editor

 

David Coleman is hired to help people find the person who compliments another, not completes them.

 

The “Dating Doctor” explained this sort of different idea toward dating during a recent appearance at the Student Union Building at Texas Tech University.

 

The first piece of advice from Coleman is that when you want to get to know someone to “be the fat penguin.”  At first no one knew what he was talking about, before he added, “And break the ice”

 

Coleman then presented the definition of romance: Performing an ordinary act of love of kindness at an unexpected time. Coleman posed the question of why women are mad if men are supposed to be romantic on Valentine’s Day, if they don’t do anything special.

 

“You should do something for her on February 13,” Coleman says. He added that would be a good idea, but men still might want to do something nice for their wives or girlfriends on Valentine’s Day.

 

Coleman later explained the “Five Minute Find: The ABC’s of Initial Interest.” He said that this was “the perfect formula to follow when speed dating.” The “A” represents attraction; Find someone that you are attracted to. “B” represents believability; find someone that seems sincere when they talk to you. “C” represents chemistry; find someone that you have chemistry with, and “D” represents desire; find someone that you desire to be around.

Coleman also spoke about making relationships matter and offered some tips that may help. He said that you have to “realize that happiness is an inside job.”  Also, avoid making excuses for your significant other.

Other tips include placing your relationships as a high priority in your life, making the tough relationship choices and not looking back, realizing that you can only control what you think, say or do, being 100-percent yourself, and letting others react as they need to, to you.

The five stages of a relationship, according to Coleman, are the deciding factors of whether that relationship will last or not. The first stage is infatuation, when you first start dating some one. You may feel he or she is the most perfect person in the world at that time. The next stage of a relationship is discovery. Discovery is the stage when “you realize they are human,” says Coleman.

The third stage is reality. This is the stage when “you understand that they are only human and accept it,” says Coleman. The fourth stage is decision. This is the stage when Coleman says you have to ask the question, “Are you in this relationship for love, or is it out of obligation?”

The last stage is commitment. That is, if you made it past the fourth stage.

Coleman also explained the three types of love in healthy relationships. The first type of love is Eros love, which he described as “physical attraction and chemistry.”

The second type of love was Agape, which is the “heartfelt love that grows stronger over time. The last type of love Coleman described was philia love, which is enjoying time as friends.

As far as Coleman’s advice on long-distance relationships, he says that they usually don’t work out, because you force communication with one another every day. So, in turn, you end up smothering one another, even though you are far apart. He also refuted the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

”Proximity does,” says Coleman.

Another thing that goes wrong with long-distance relationships is that people learn to adapt and survive on their own. They learn how to live without each other, and that is totally damaging to the relationship.

One of the most important things Coleman shared was the five characteristics of a healthy relationship. They are trust, respect, intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Coleman was named Speaker of the year a total of 11 times from Campus Activities Magazine and The National Association for Campus Activities combined.

Coleman has a Bachelor of Science degree in Speech Pathology and Audiology, along with a Masters of Arts degree in College Student Personnel Administration from Bowling Green State University.

Coleman also known as “The real-life-Hitch,” or “the dating doctor” helps people find people that most suit one another, so they can find happiness. He also has very good advice for college students and dating.

           

*All photos by Melissa Rinehart/Plainsman Press