Relationships: Casual or Intense?

Priscilla Casanova, staff writer

Someone walks into their house, looks around and thinks, “Hey, these aren’t my shoes!”

Of course they’re not they are in a casual “no- strings- attached” relationship.   Reality check?  Maybe, and maybe not.   The other choice…intense and monogamous.  Is there any middle ground, you ask? Let’s go with …no.  Though both relationships are on completely different ends of the spectrum, they are both relevant.

Relationships help define a person, how one grows and how one thinks. If a person never has a monogamous relationship, he/she may find people to be untrustworthy.  But if a person only has monogamous relationships perhaps it’s because he/she can’t be alone.  What relationship one is ready for, I couldn’t tell you.  But think about this: some need because they love, while others love because they need. 

People have doubted that love exists. It seems that the people who doubt its existence are those in the casual no-strings- attached relationships. You can’t miss what you don’t have, and you can’t want what you’ve never felt.  In a monogamous relationship, love is almost necessary, whether or not it’s real.  It’s what makes a person want to be with just one person, when someone believes they have found all the possible traits they were looking for and are satisfied. 

 In a casual relationship, the “L” word is probably non-existent.  But can it be made? Love doesn’t just magically appear. It must grow from something.  Casual relationships inspire one to find whatever it is they’re looking for. They (casual relationships) help define what you’re looking for and let you know what not to look for.  If one is in a casual relationship, chances are love is not what he or she is looking for.   In an intense relationship, you don’t have time to wonder or doubt. You’re in love with who you’re with and never stop to question whether or not it’s what you really want.

There is this song titled, “Me lo Dijo el Silencio”, The silence told me. It speaks about falling in love.  The singer describes a night, when he realizes that he is constantly thinking about her.   It says he never even noticed when he fell in love; he just realized it one silent night.  He found an emotion that showed him he was no longer lonely. He dreamed for the first time of what could be.  An intense monogamous relationship may be proof of those feelings. 

  Perhaps there are no words when the heart speaks and a person just has to listen twice as hard to be sure of what one’s hearing. 

Love. It’s like a comfort mattress, “it forms to fit you”.  There are so many clichés used for love and what it means, or how it’s supposed to feel. But one will never be able to define it, no matter what relationship a person is in.  Is one in love or does one just love? Will one love forever? Will one be loved forever? There are so many questions that can be asked and never answered.

 But the purpose here is not to define love but to evaluate relationships.

“You want what you can’t have”…

In a casual, “no-strings-attached” relationship, “want” may be seen as something sexual. A person may lust for the other person in that relationship.  Most teenage relationships are made up of this feeling more than any other.  In an intense, monogamous, relationship, “want” is completely different.  A person wants to be with his or her significant other for the sheer pleasure of being around him or her. No sex is required to be happy and satisfied. When a person genuinely enjoys someone’s company, there are no strings attached. 

“Need” could be described in the same way for both relationships. Some need because they love, while others love because they need.  The latter, refers to casual relationships, while the former, may be more common in a monogamous relationship.   To be needy is to be helpless on your own. It is not wise to give someone that much power over you.  So to love because of need is only “cutting your legs out from under you”.  But to need because you love means that when standing on your own, you’ll be fine, while standing with “the other half” makes you twice as strong.  See the difference? 

There are so many ways to compare these two relationships, the pros and the cons, the similarities and the differences. Perhaps we have tried in vain to find a difference at all.

 Maybe there is none.  Both grow, and both fade.  Only time will tell.

I was recently introduced to this saying:  “You’ve got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Always forgive but never forget. Learn from your mistakes but never regret. People can change and things go wrong, but always remember…LIFE GOES ON.” 

Whatever relationship a person decides to be in defines a piece of who they are. Whether it is casual, or intense