No matter what age you start, still 'til death do us part'

by Brittany Bradford, co-opinion editor

When I was a little girl, just like every other girl my age, I was a little princess.

I loved dress-up, Barbies and putting all that red lipstick on in all the wrong places. And just like every other little girl, I dreamed of one day putting on a fluffy white dress and getting all “dolled up,” having all eyes on me and ending the day with a nice huge piece of white cake. Like every other little girl, I dreamed of my wedding, and I can’t say much has changed since then, except that I’m not a little girl anymore.

In this era, getting married at a young age is on the verge of being socially unacceptable in some regions of the United States. Divorce rates are rising, as are the bnumber of single parents. But this is not a matter of age; it is a matter of culture.

Here’s a little story. Once a young girl got married at the age of 15, barely legal to drive. She went on to have four children and raised them while still being with the same man for the rest of her life. Her daughters married at the ages of 18, 17 and another also at 17. Her one son was also 17 when he wed. One of those three daughters had three more little girls who married at the ages of 18,16, and 20. They knew only one man as their father their entire lives. They watched their parents have a beautiful marriage and knew it as nothing short of an awesome example of every-lasting love. All three of the daughters are married today to the same men they first tied the knot with. How is that for statistics?

This is the story of my mom’s family. She was young when she married, just like her mother and her mother’s mom. She was 18 when she married my father, and they are still just as in love today. If young marriage statistics are an accurate example of the “real world,” then at least one of these should have resulted in divorce. But they didn’t. This is not about measuring one’s age, but it is about measuring one’s heart.

I’m now 20, and not married just yet. I have already exceeded most of the women in my family when it comes to marrying age. I do have a boyfriend of three years who I love dearly and plan to marry. However I am in no way “testing the waters.” By this I mean that we do not live together, and we are both virgins. It will stay that way until the day I walk down the aisle, because this is how God meant for it to be.

For so many, my situation seems dismal. It seems that if I were to marry this guy, I would have no idea of what I was getting myself into. This may have some truth to it, but I almost find the surprise factor to be just the icing on the cake (no pun intended). The Bible tells us that God has that ONE person out there for us, that one person who we will marry and be with forever. In most cases, “you’ll know it when you see it.”

I don’t live with my boyfriend because of religious reasons or my own moral beliefs.  I trust that God has that one person for me, and I don’t need to test that. God wants the best for all of us all and has a path for us to follow. I don’t feel that I should have to prove that to myself. I have to trust God, because this world is too hard to survive on my judgment alone.

I have heard it said before that too many young adults see marriage as this “bright shiny object.” In some cases, this can be true, but not in mine. Yes, I will one day have a huge, bright, shiny object on my finger, because, after all, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” But I understand that there is so much more to it than that. Marriage takes time, effort, trust and strength. It is one of those things in life that, while the journey is long and hard, the destination is well worth the trip, and you look back and realize how much fun you had along the way and how much you learned.

Marriage is a commitment of a lifetime, literally. But these days it has turned into a way to get discounts on insurance, or a way to move up the financial caste system, or a consequence of a one-night mistake, or even just a really good reason to have a party. It is our culture raising those rates, not a bunch of puppy love.

It’s all about knowing when you are ready. Although I am 20, I feel that I have a fairly good grasp of the world from where I stand. I feel that I am mature enough to know what it takes emotionally, financially and spiritually to get married, and how much loyalty it calls for.

In all the young marriages of my family, it was not always easy. I have seen them fight and be down to their last pennies of savings. I have seen traumatic events shake their very foundation, and I have even seen them at their lowest of lows. Yet they stuck together, and not only did divorce never happen, it was never even and option.

In our society, we have almost too many options, from the number of combo meals offered at Sonic, to endless commercials of geckos, cavemen and ducks selling us car insurance. Our choices are endless, but after we drive off with cans attached to our get-away cars, our options should be limited, because we have made a commitment for keeps and for life. That’s not to say that marriage is any form of punishment of a jail-like situation where we are trapped for life for thinking, “Oh well, if this doesn’t work, out there is always a return policy.”

You have to go into it fully intending to love each other for better or for worse, because there will be a worse. Yet you can’t just cop out when you hit that point. I have had too many friends whose parents divorced, and I know how it can tear an entire family to pieces. This is why you can’t go into it knowing that you have a breaking point, because it will not only mess up your life but, if you have kids, their lives as well. Responsibility is key, and you must know when you are ready. If you happen to still be underage, it’s OK as long as you know.

So, therefore, the question is, how do you know? I can’t say that I have the answer. Thank goodness I am a girl, and the only thing I have to do is say yes or no. But I have to give it to you guys; it is hard to know when to get down on one knee.

Although we are young, my boyfriend and I have very good and stable jobs. Mine is in sales, and his comes with a very reliable salary. We hardly live paycheck to paycheck, but I can’t say either of us is making the big bucks. One way to know is to look at your life financially. In many divorce cases, it is the ever-lingering argument of money that drives marriages to their end.

My boyfriend and I also know that there is no return policy, and that emotionally it is going to take all the love we have. The best way to describe this kind of love is an example from the Bible. It says that men must love their wives like Jesus loved us all. As a wife, I must love my husband and commit to him that same way I am committed to and love Jesus, my Savior. If we can only do this, everything else will just fall into place. There has never in all the history of the world been a greater example of unconditional love that the idea of a man who died on the cross for the sins of the world.

I won’t be another statistic; I can’t. I will never allow divorce to be an option, and I won’t be one of those “desperate housewives” who married for everything but love. I know that, in His will, God has so many great things for me. I thank Him every day for giving me a best friend and a Godly man to stand by me down here on Earth.