NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST - SO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK

Jacqui Streety, editor-and-chief

 

The other day, I learned a valuable lesson on life: “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”

That is so true, and it seems to be the staple of my livelihood; I just never had the words to describe the motto.

Throughout my life I’ve been told, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” but it isn’t always that simple. In fact, it is really quite difficult for me sometimes. I have to swallow a lot of pride when I’m attacked for stupid things, such as my tattoos. I often think I may well choke on all that pride, but in the end, it always goes down much smoother than I had anticipated.

During Spring registration, I met a guy whose name is unimportant. He told me he had really liked an article I had previously written, because while I was chastising people who single me out for one-dimensional things such as appearance, I remained nice.  I’ve often been told by those who know me that I am too nice [Keyword: nice].

True as that may be, the deal is this: if I am rude and hateful to those who treat me with hate, I am no better than them. It seems to me to be such a waste of time to spend my energy releasing negative emotion all in the name of retaliation. I say, “Kill ‘em with kindness.” I always thought Jesus must have been joking when he said to turn the other cheek. But now I completely understand what he was talking about.

Let’s compare positive and negative language. People call me names all the time, such as “freak.” Sure, it stings a little on the inside, because they don’t know me at all. But I don’t outwardly project my frustration at their ignorance. Instead, I say something kind to them that is usually not anything they expect, such as “Thank you; I hope you have a great day. And remember: don’t listen to degrading remarks by others; I think you’re a great person.”

See, I compliment the person and shove back in their face what they’ve done to me, while making them think that I am unaffected by their hurtful and ignorant words. That’s positive.

Let’s look at the negative. A long time ago, I would’ve cussed them out, pointed out their own flaws and sucker punched them in the face. But what good does that do? There’s no point in stooping to a level of stupidity and violence. Being hateful back to an already malicious person only adds fuel to their fire. Ultimately, it just grounds their idea that hatred is OK. I’ve found that when you give them kindness when they gave you odium, they’re left pondering your actions much longer than you are theirs. They’re left wondering why you were so nice.

Here’s an example: in high school, I was a bitter and angry person. I’d been made fun of for far too long by far too many people, so I began a trend called “scapegoating” as a defense mechanism. I found a girl who I deemed lower than me in our social caste and relentlessly tormented her. I was ever persistent in my hostility toward her.

 I didn’t even know her, had never spoken to her. But every day, I would draw pictures of her on the white board (bad pictures that satirized circumstances she couldn’t avoid). But let me tell you something about Nikki. She was a good person. I used her. I ridiculed her, because if everyone else was busy laughing with me, they couldn’t laugh at me. All the while, she took what I gave her. She never said one hurtful word back to me, never even cut me a “go to hell” look. In fact, she befriended me. She baked brownies for me while I sat in detention doing my homework. She wrapped them and took the to the football concession stand for me (it was something we had to do at my high school).

That kind action didn’t impede me from taunting and torturing her for the rest of the year. But I did always wonder what made her so kind. What did she have that I didn’t, that allowed her to turn the other cheek?

Five years later, I have finally determined what it was. She had a good heart. I have not seen her since graduation, but if I did I would thank her. Because much to her surprise, she helped make me a better person. Every time I get made fun of or called names, I think of how she responded to my hate with more heart than I ever could have.

I was always rather frustrated with her behavior because I was left confused. I was absolutely baffled as to how some could counter hate with love. But she came out on top; she was a bigger and better person than I was. And eventually, I became a Nikki, sacrificing my own hurt so that others may experience my love.

It’s an awesome feeling when you answer malice with kindness. It’s great seeing the perplexity in heir eyes, wondering what you have that they lack. It’s even more amazing to know that you did the right thing.

I keep thinking that perhaps I can help change someone the way Nikki changed me. Maybe one of those hateful people I’ve encountered will be left completely confused by my actions. Perhaps they will ponder for a while and finally conclude what it is. Maybe then, their ignorance-induced hatred will blossom into kindness and compassion—and that could, in turn, change yet another person.

It could happen. Every person who has shown me hostility could become a thoughtful, benevolent being—and that’s a lot of people.

Hardcore music has taught me a lot about this matter as well. “I know who I am, and I believe in what I say,” sings Dave Peters of Throwdown (my favorite Hardcore band). He also says that people only condemn others because they’re too scared to know themselves.

I’m a scapegoat, and that’s OK. I’ve got a lot of pride, and that’s something that can never be destroyed by words. You have to be “nice,” otherwise, you’re no better than the person who puts you down.

Sometimes I wish people could take the time to get to know the real me. But mostly, I’m glad they don’t know that I’m kind and compassionate. I’m glad, because they’ll be shocked by what I do and what I give. I’ll puzzle them the same way that Nikki bewildered me, and perhaps they will search until they attain what I found.

So, when you’re hated on (from the big things, right down to the miniscule things), show kindness at all times. You’ll reap the greater reward in the end, because nice guys always finish first.

And who knows, a little kindness here and there may just change the world. I think so, anyway.