Little gifts to revive your relation ship

by Jennifer Conlee, co-associate editor

 

Valentine’s day should be a day of romance, a day of lovers walking hand-in-hand down the street.

However, getting the wrong gift for your sweetheart can lead to getting your hand smashed in the door as she leaves with tears of anger. It should be obvious to anyone that there are certain things a man should never buy for his girlfriend or do to his girlfriend on the most romantic day of the year.  If you want to maintain your boyfriend status during this bumpy time of the year, then keep reading.

1. Plastic flowers are the quickest way to show your girl how cheap you are.  It doesn’t matter that they never wilt; girls want the romance of a dozen real red roses.  Give her plastic flowers, and they will end up in the corner of a closet collecting dust, along with your possessions which she “forgot” to return to you.
2.  A small bottle of expensive perfume is sweet.  A large bottle of the cheapest perfume from the drugstore or a bar of soap is not.  Here’s a hint: cheap perfume does not smell good, and soap tells her that you think she smells bad.
3. It’s always a good idea to purchase a pretty heart-shaped box of chocolates for your sweetheart.  It’s always a bad idea to eat half the chocolates before you hand it to her.  Leave the plastic on.  If she wants to share, she will.
4. If she opens up a gift certificate to the local gym, or a weight-loss cookbook, you will soon discover how a girl can lose approximately 200 pounds in three seconds.  You’ll be out the door and on the street so fast your head will spin.   You should never give her anything that makes her think that you think she is anything less than wonderful in her body.
5. Yes, men, we know you like anything to do with sports, and if we receive something from someone else that we know you like, we’ll give it to you.  However, if you even think about giving us a football on Valentine’s Day, we will automatically exchange it for something we want.  And then, we’ll exchange you for a better boyfriend.
6. Vacuum cleaners and kitchen utensils are not romantic, no matter what kind of vision you have of women from the 1950s cleaning and cooking.  First of all, you should only give this kind of thing to a woman if you are married to her. Secondly, even if you are married to her, never give it to her on Valentine’s Day, unless you want to be the first person using them.
7. Girls spend their entire lives waiting for the perfect diamond ring.  This said, they do not want a cubic zirconia ring from you.  If you do decide on jewelry and can’t afford real diamonds, at least invest in real gold or silver.  And make sure it fits her taste.  Don’t buy her something huge and showy if she likes small and delicate.
8. Remember the necklace you bought for your last girlfriend?  The one she threw at you when you broke up?  Under no circumstances are you to give it to your current girlfriend.  Unless you have a strange fetish for having jewelry thrown at you.
9. Even if a girl professes to hate Valentine’s Day, once she has a boyfriend, she spends the entire year waiting for this day to arrive.  Men, make sure you have something to give her, whether you’ve been dating for years or just a couple of months.  No gift at all makes her think that you don’t like her or cherish her affection.  If you want to keep the woman in your life, get her a Valentine’s gift. 
10. Finally, NEVER break up with a girl on or right before Valentine’s Day.  This is worse than breaking up right before Christmas, and almost as bad as breaking up on her birthday.  Believe me, girls talk, and you do not want this type of reputation floating around.

 

As long as you follow these guidelines, your Valentine’s Day will fly by smoothly.  We know that men do not look forward to this day, but if you manage to surprise your girl with a great gift, you will be wonderfully rewarded.