Lubbock is a city that is by no means renowned for its local music scene. Lubbock bands and scene goers tend to follow the latest trends; last year’s pnk rawkers are this year’s hXc nitwits, which were just last month’s Indie Elite.

I should say that while Lubbock’s music scene tends to be more concerned with keeping up with the latest alternative fashions, there are many excellent local bands and numerous talented musicians, but that’s not really what this is all about. The problem isn’t with the city, the music or the bands. The problem is with all of those lame hardcore kids who crowd into what used to be the moshpit.

There used to be a time when moshing was the name of the game. It consisted of idiotic shoulder ramming, jumping around, headbutting and even throwing the occasional elbow. It was stupid, but it was fun. If you didn’t like it, then you could just stand around and help maintain the circle.

Now, there seems to be a developing trend that is making the moshpit a thing of the past. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know why it’s so popular. But I know it’s even more ridiculous than that stupid "circle pit" that would occasionally pop up. It seems to be a form of dancing, but I’m pretty sure it’s really just fighting. Pretend fighting, even.

I’m pretty sure that most children played pretend games at one time or another. Some of those were inevitably fighting games, especially if you happened to be a boy. My personal favorite was Mortal Combat. I especially loved Sub Zero, and I would spend hours fighting Scorpion in a battle to the death. This new dancing craze seems to be almost exactly like that stuff I used to do as a kid –only these kids are all older than age 7. There’s the same rapid punches and roundhouse kicks, but this seems to be coordinated dance moves, not pretend at all.

Most of what these kids are doing is stamping their feet, swinging their elbows around a lot and maybe throwing a few punches. It’s sort of reminiscent of an angry gorilla, or the Hulk or something.

The first time I saw this, I was sure it was just some kids who were trying to fight but couldn’t figure out where their enemy was. It certainly looks like they’re trying to fight, but it’s obvious that they aren’t hitting anyone. What baffles me about that is that when someone actually does get hit, everyone gets all bootyhurt. I just sit there and shake my head. Did they not see that one coming, or what?

I don’t understand why people get all upset when a punch actually hits a mark. Isn’t that sort of the purpose of a punch –to land and cause some discomfort, if not pain? The whole dance is like a pretend fight, but apparently it’s just not cool to actually hit someone, even though everyone else is fighting, too.

And who are they fighting, anyway? Obviously not each other, because that seems to be some unspoken taboo among the fighters, er, dancers. It’s like the stuff boxers do (I guess) to warm up before they actually start boxing, just lots of pretend punching and hopping around, only there’s no ring, there’s no coach and there’s definitely nothing to show for it.

The whole thing is just confusing. I can’t figure out if they’re dancing or if they’re fighting. I mean, are they ninjas or are they dancers? Ninjas usually spend up to ten minutes just messing around and showing off their super ninja skills before someone shoots them in the face or blindsides them with a katana. Aside from that whole dying part, the stuff that these kids are doing looks eerily similar to the ninja pre-fight show down.

Dancers also seem to be practicing incessantly, even if there isn’t any music or anything, although they have the sense to just run away or throw a fit before anyone tries to fight with them. I guess that’s why these hardcore kids get upset when they actually get hit. Maybe they’re just violent, confused dancers who wear lots of black because they’re pretending to be ninjas. Or maybe I’m just jealous.