Though I'm fake, God's love proves real

by Britney Bradford, entertainment editor

I’m fake. I lack integrity. I change my myself for other people. I am a Barbie doll with a plastered smile, less than real platinum blonde hair, and I have allowed everyone around me to bend me to into any shape or person they want.

This happens to many of us in college. It is not like high school, where we all want to be just like that one group of gorgeous girls and athletic guys. In college, you meet so many different people from all over the place and from all walks of life. As much as this may be good for those debate days in class, socially, if you try to fit in with everyone, you will loose yourself.

No, I am not the normal college girl. Well I am normal, so let’s say I am not the stereotypical college girl. I don’t drink, I don’t party, I don’t smoke and I am, and will remain a virgin until I am married. Before I lose everyone, I am not a goody girl. But I am a Christian, and I love Jesus Christ with all my heart, though absolutely no one who goes to South Plains with me could ever know this.

I don’t know how or when it happened. But when I walked through the doors of the Communications Building on the first day of my college life, I became someone other than me. Cuss words came flying out of my mouth, I stopped disagreeing with those who violated everything I stood for, and I changed my looks and clothes. Instead of loving all the people around me, I became one of them.

Many of you have seen the articles from other writers in this newspaper who have used this as a way to express what they believe. Issue after issue I have read what they have to say, knowing it is all true yet I continued to develop my own separation of church and state in my heart.

We are taught as aspiring journalists that we must write for our audience, push the envelope but keep our morals and ethics. I lost that. I have written many things, but instead of seeing the opportunity that was in front of me to tell others about the love of God, I wrote about everything else from shopping to loving Wal-Mart. Not that these weren’t great, but I lost my real opinions while writing about the other things.

To be honest, I have fulfilled entirely the opinion many people have about Christians. I am a hypocrite. On Sunday, I am at church, and on Tuesday I cussing up a storm and telling people how bad they look because they are hung over, and talking bad about whoever isn’t in the room. I never wanted to become this person, but I did, and it took a huge moment to show me that.

I have been raised in the church my whole life. I know how it all goes, and I know my Bible pretty well. I know how to pray, how to sing, how to do all those things that come with being a “God-fearing girl,” but you would never know it from the outside.

I learned this a few days ago, when they were serving free lunch at the Wesley Foundation.  My friend and I always make a trip to the Levelland United for salads, but by they time we leave, we have all spent too much so a free lunch sounded good at the time. As I walked in to the building, I saw scripture on the wall. I could almost tell you where in the Bible they came from. As we got our food and sat down, I began to make fun of this one guy across the room with my friends.

But slowly, I was realizing something. A man got up and began to say a short mini sermon and prayed over our meal. This all came naturally to me, but as I looked up for a brief second during the prayer, I realized how uncomfortable all my friends were. One looked at me and said it “I feel so out of place here,” and then it hit me so hard. These girls who I knew as my friends, whose lives are broken and whose hearts are torn, felt uncomfortable even though they were surrounded by the words of a God who loves them so much.

They were out of place in a place of refuge where anyone can be accepted. They were different than the people around them.  And as I sat there, I realized I am no longer one of these people who outwardly love God. However, I wasn’t one of my friends either. As hard as I had tried to be both, I ended up being neither, and ultimately I was nothing.

If you want to know the meaning of life, here it is: God put us on this earth to love and worship Him because He gave His son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for our sins. When we realize the magnitude of someone we never even met in person dying for all, we are to go and tell others. We are to love everyone around us more than ourselves, and I didn’t.

I was trying so hard to become like my friends that I forgot to love them along the way. I don’t condemn anyone of them, or anyone who drinks or smokes or parties. My heart goes out to them most. I would be the exact same way if I had not known God all my life. But I was placed at this college, in this place, at this time, with these people, to let them know that when everyone else in their lives hurts them or leaves them, God will always love them more than they could ever imagine. I failed.

So to all those who are hurting, broken inside and drained on the outside, I’m sorry that I have not shown you God’s strength. For those who believe we are hypocrites, I am sorry I proved you right. And to other Christians, I’m sorry that I have let you down. But most of all, I am sorry for my friends. God let me become your friends because He has something so extraordinary for you. He wants to be with you, take care of you. He wants to be the boyfriend who never cheats or leaves, or the dad who is always there, or the place that feels like home when you are homesick in a new state.

He wants to be your strength at night when you are up late doing homework. He loves you the way I should have before. I want to say a special thanks to the few people who write for this paper and use it to show God’s glory and love.

I am fake, but I’m working on becoming real and learning to know that the power of God is and always will be real.